This month we are featuring a series of blogs written by Charlie Barnes, a member of our Women in Transport D&I Bus Group. With women significantly underrepresented in the transport workforce, there are often situations where we are the ‘alien in the room’. It has certainly been the case for me and for others from the stories I have heard through Advance. Even if this hasn’t been your personal experience, I hope that reading Charlie’s latest blog will provide some insight into how it feels to be the minority in a room and offers a moment of reflection on how we can all be more inclusive.
Sonya Byers, CEO, Women in Transport
By Charlie Barnes
As you enter the meeting room, everyone stares questioningly but says nothing. Flustered, you take a seat at the end of the table and busy yourself, searching in your bag as you feel the eyes on you. They are wondering who you are and why you are there, but no one asks.
The last few people trickle in as conversation resumes. Most of those here seem to know each other and are asking after each other's colleagues, hobbies and family members. It’s a familiar group and everyone else is at ease.
The babble stops as the man at the head of the table calls for attention and confirms attendance. He then looks at you expectantly; "You probably have much neater handwriting than me, would you mind taking the minutes?" You nod your head in acknowledgement, mystified as to how this man you'd never met knows what your handwriting looks like.
The meeting progresses and you diligently take notes. No one stops to ask your opinion as the men casually talk over each other and reach agreement after agreement, but the leader pauses to check you’ve recorded the key actions. A natural lull occurs, so someone suggests taking a tea break. The room heartily agrees and the men bustle to the table at the end of the room, where the teas, coffees & biscuits have been carefully arranged.
Once the rush settles, you squeeze behind the row of chairs and make your way to the coffee table. You pour yourself some tea, then awkwardly hover while you wait for a man to finish with the milk jug. He glances at you, but looks blank; he doesn't know what to say and starts to shuffle nervously. A voice behind you booms "Geoff, how's the wife!" and the uncertain conversationalist scuttles off to confer with someone familiar. You breathe a sigh of relief, and after grabbing a couple of biscuits silently head back to your seat.
The door opens and another man enters the room, apologising for his lateness. Finally, a familiar face! Nodding recognition and greetings at those assembled around the table, your manager slides into one of the empty seats beside you, and whispers "Thanks for taking notes for me, I owe you". A glimmer of understanding crosses the faces of the men opposite.
"I see you've finally got your own PA, you sly dog!" “About time if you ask me.” Your manager pauses, confused, until he realises the group are all looking at you expectantly. He realises the confusion and introduces you as part of his team, as the men shift uneasily at the 'honest mistake'.
The conversation moves on, talking of things that are of no interest to you - people you don't know, places you've never been. The group are all old acquaintances from around the industry, with many friends in common.
Occasionally someone will smile your way, or tip you a wink as they make a joke. "Don't worry, you're part of the conversation" they seem to imply, while they hold a discussion you are unable to contribute to. At least you are part of the group now. Or are you? Their backs are mostly turned towards you, heads tilted away, no pause for you to speak into, your opinions not sought. You feel like you’re hovering on the edge, a witness to the conversation.
The meeting eventually resumes, and business is concluded. As everyone prepares to leave they stop and chat, catching up with those last few acquaintances.
Except for you. Duty completed, you mutter your excuses and head to the door. You breathe a sigh of relief as you head back to your office alone.
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This story was written by a woman who is tired of being the alien in the room.
But the alien could be someone of any minority - of age, skin colour, nationality, gender, sexuality or ability. Someone who has been allowed into the space of a majority, but doesn't yet feel included, who doesn't feel accepted as part of the team.
I hope this story makes someone who is a minority feel less alone. I also hope this story makes someone who is at times one of the majority consider what they can do to be more inclusive.
Because being inclusive isn’t just about allowing someone access to a space, it’s about making them feel welcome in it.
Women in Transport is a non-profit network with a mission of advancing women working in transport. Annual membership of Women in Transport is £60 per year providing access to professional development, mentoring and networking opportunities. We very much welcome guest blogs from our members - a great way to share the incredible diversity of opportunity in transport, raise your profile and connect with our community.
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